Tuesday, 27 March 2012

Platonic, Schmatonic. Or is it really?

"Guys and girls can be friends." This is a common phrase and practice that we all hear and do. I'm one that totally believes that this is possible to be executed. I mean, I think we all think so... right? Well, not really. 

A conversation with a friend leads me to thinking that wow, people really don't think alike, even on a common subject. He thinks it is not possible to have the opposite sex showing affection and care while totally excluding the "crush" part. He doesn't believe a guy and a girl can be friends and sincerely care about one another. So what he does is to not show care as much as one should because it might rub the other person the wrong way or the "right" way and have him or her actually developing romantic feelings for you. So to avoid such sticky situation, he doesn't care altogether and just ignore well..girls.

"Adam and Hawa were created  to serve one another, to love each other, to be soul mates for life", he added. "So why is there such a thing as a platonic relationship?"

He got me stumped there. That actually made sense. What if you treat your friend so nicely because that's just how you are but he or she thinks otherwise? Nonetheless, however you treat a friend, there are still boundaries and lines that if you cross, can appear to be going over the "friend zone" that you two have initially established. 

The reason why I don't agree is because alhamdulillah, I'm lucky enough to be bestowed with guy friends who are actually nice and good to me without thinking about how they look like when I see them, or how I look like when they see me because appearances at this point don't matter, because the essence of me is internal and that's all they really care about. They're even my go-to guide when a crisis arises, like problems on boys, friends, family, study, work, religion, even on what clothes to wear. 

How should a platonic relationship be exactly? There's not one that is the same. It all depends on the individual. You care enough but not to the point of wanting to know every single detail of that person's day. That will be too much and you are, without knowing it, giving hints that it is more than a normal boy-and-girl friendship. How I think is normal is by doing the following; they will ask you how you are, be genuinely concerned, lift you up when you're sad, and celebrate moments when you're happy. 

Here's a tip on how to know whether your friend is being real; they will always be there. Regardless of how busy they are, of how awesome their latest girlfriend/ boyfriend is, if they care about you as a friend, you'll definitely hear from them from time to time, because they still think you are one of the many pieces that fit right into their life puzzle. And they don't come to you when they're only down in the dumps (you should pick this up sooner or later, should it happen more than twice), when they keep asking to join your date with girlfriends (to ogle at your pretty friends), or when they're plain bored.

But remember, no matter how commendable your guy friends are, never forget your girlfriends. They are your homies for life. Who else are you going to share your deepest, darkest, most embarrassing secrets with other than your girlies who get your anxiety on a first date with the boy that you like, or the fact that love handles and stretch marks are showing and you're crying about it at 2 a.m in the morning, or first loves? Guys are cool and all but they have their short "guy"attention span" that we girls, should understand and digest and accept that they are just built that way.

This post isn't written to prove my friend wrong, but more like giving and showing people evidence that it actually can happen and of course, for the right reasons. Some may venture into friendships where they "gain benefits" and this is not something that I am advocating.

I am stressing more on improving oneself by having friends who may not share your stressful experience when dealing with pms every month, or worrying whether your bottom looks big in jeans but they help you to grow and be better. Like what I've mentioned, guys and girls are not made the same way; regarding their emotions and thinking. That is why somehow, beyond the complications and multiple differences, we can find ourselves complementing each other and most importantly, give reminders that will make us further love Him more...

I will end this post by reminding you of some verses in the holy Quran. Allah says,

"And the believers, men and women, are protecting friends of one another, they enjoin the right and forbid the wrong." - At-Taubah (9:71)

"Te believers are naught else than brothers. Therefore make peace between your brethren and observe your duty to Allah that haply ye may obtain mercy." - Al-Hujurat (49:10)

And words from our beloved Prophet Muhammad (pbuh),

"You shall not enter Paradise until you believe; and you will not believe until you love one another. Shall I not guide you to a thing? Which when done , will make you love one another: Spread the greeting of Salam among you"- (Muslim)

- Sugar xo

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