dreamers and realists

From the show "Modern Family",

"There are dreamers and there are realists in this world. You'd think the dreamers would find the dreamers and the realists would find the realists, but more often than not the opposite is true. You see, the dreamers need the realists to keep them from soaring too close to the sun. And the realists, well without the dreamers, they might not ever get off the ground." 

- Cameron Tucker (2011)

25 things

What Sugar has learned in life so far:

1.  You actually know the right things to do, but taking your own advice is the toughest decision you ever have to make. This is because you are afraid of getting hurt. Plain and simple.
2. You should feel pain. Everyone should feel pain. Life is not all butterflies and rainbows. Pain helps you grow. Pain leaves you scars to toughen you up. Pain reminds you how far you have gone in life and the fact you have survived those hardships.
3. The people who really matter and who really, genuinely love you for who you are will always come back, no matter how much you have hurt them in the past.
4. Life is really different from other people’s points of view. Do not ever think you know how they feel, unless you have gone through similar experiences because life is indeed tough.
5. You can empathize but that’s about it. Some people are so stubborn to let you in that they have this tendency to push you away because that is how they have been all their lives. You can’t really blame them.
6. But what I think is, these people are actually scared, because they think once people know how they are, people will leave them.
7. And in honest truth, they will receive that kind of fate if they continue with their stubborn ways. When they complain how people give up easily, don’t listen. Because every single thing is a choice and they choose to be that way, ultimately forcing you to bid goodbye.
8. Love is supposed to be simple. It is people who make it complicated. You find someone who fits you, and you’re good.
9. You can’t make people love you.
10. Stop looking for the perfect person. A man and a woman are supposed to complete each other. Perfect people do not exist.
11. Relationships are not easy. It takes hard work. If you’re weak, don’t be in one.
12. Know when to hold on and to let go. Discover your worth.
13. Patience is so rewarding in the long run. Don’t have it? Start developing it now.
14. Always be grateful. Even for the littlest things.
15. Some people are just weird. It is really them and not you, so don’t take offence.
16. Never change for the worst just to fulfill other people’s needs. You will feel stupid and your efforts to actually become better have gone to waste. You are back to square one.
17. You make your world go round.
18. If you think you deserve better, you deserve better.
19. If you ask someone your current situation with them and all they give you is a blank stare, or a “uh, I’m not sure.. uh I dunno..”, hit the accelerator and don’t look back. How can they want to be with you and not be sure at the same time?
20. Always put yourself in another person’s shoes. Don’t be selfish. If you do this constantly, you will feel and create a tremendous difference.
21. You are supposed to selflessly give, but please know your limit of giving and realize how much you’re not receiving.
22. When you have the blues, watch Friends. Or exercise your butt off. Hey, instead of wallowing on your bed, you can earn a nice rear.
23. Never stop smiling even when you feel like bawling. You never know how your effort to smile helps brighten another person’s sad day.
24. The importance of Time. We don’t have enough of it, yet we waste it like it’s nothing.
25. Despite what life has thrown at you, always, always love. Never love less, just always love more.

xoxo

Dear my Muslim brothers and sisters

Something I found here to guide you during the lovely month of Ramadhan that is coming very, very soon :)

I can't wait! Let's us all embrace it with open arms and hearts insyaAllah. 

Wedding Playlist: The Sugar Edition

I don't know about you but among my peers nowadays (mid-20s), an abundance of them are getting hitched! There are either two feelings you might experience after hearing such news (well if you are around the age I've mentioned); you're completely ecstatic for them, or you get stressed and later depressed after examining your own love life (or lack thereof). I am definitely more of the former, though sometimes you cannot help but opt to feel more of the latter, but one simple tip that I've learned these past months is, if you do good for other people, your pent-up sadness will gradually fade away because the sincerity that comes from the deeds you do will fill the void (definitely trust Sugar on this.)

Now I've nothing to say other than a big congratulations and all praises to Allah SWT for bringing these people together to complete half of deen, building beautiful lives together here on earth for the sake of the afterlife, and at the same time, promote halal relationships among youths. Things that can bring goodness to both sides shouldn't be delayed, so guys, if you like/ love somebody enough that you are sure she is most suitable to be your better half and you are secure enough (emotionally, religiously, financially, physically ready) to marry them, then go see their respective parents and ask their daughters' hands in marriage. :p

It is easier said than done but I know that many of us now are not reversing but are vastly moving forward, improving ourselves every day to do the things we have always wanted to achieve, not only on marriage but career-wise and religion-wise. It does not matter what it is we strive for, as long as we keep on moving. 

Serious matters aside, Sugar is here to talk about what actually goes down during weddings. What do you usually look at when attending relatives' or friends' weddings? Me, with my huge appetite, will always be thinking about the food rather than what colour is the wedding dress (true story) because I believe food plays a crucial role in making people wanting to go to weddings. We can never run from our crazy-about-Malaysian-food side. And not often that you get to eat "nasi minyak" and the variety of side dishes (lauk-pauk) you get to eat it with. Now the second thing in my list is, 

...the wedding playlist. 

Okay, now I am fully aware that not all weddings have a playlist of their own, or better yet, instead of songs, they have people playing the gamelan in the background. But because music is such an important aspect in my life (can't live without it), I think it totally sets the mood of it all. And through songs, you can actually convey the covert feelings of the bride and groom and share it with the rest and I think that is the sweetest thing. So here are songs which I think say so much about love. Enjoy :)

Edwin McCain's "I'll Be"

Bright Eyes's "First Day of My Life"

Dashboard Confessional's "Stolen"

The Royal Sons's "Through and Through"

Sleeping At Last's "Turning Page"

Ray LaMontagne's "You Are The Best Thing"

Anuar Zain's "Sedetik Lebih" (I've seen him sang live at a wedding before. You'll get chills and butterflies.)

Bunga Cinta Lestari and Ari Lasso's "Aku dan Dirimu"

Maher Zain's "Barakallah" (hands down, the perfect wedding song because you'll have your guests singing along and uttering the prayer from our prophet Rasulullah SAW for you at the same time :)

بارك الله لكما وبارك عليكما
وجمع بينكما في خير
بارك الله لكما وبارك عليكما
وجمع بينكما في خير

Here's my prayers to you, my lovely friends who will get married very, very soon. May your marriage lasts until Jannah, insyaAllah :)

- Sugar xo

times like these

"It's times like these, you learn to live again

It's times like these, you give and give again

It's times like these, you learn to love again

It's times like these, time and time again.."

- Foo Fighters

To tell you the truth, to be "Sugar" in this lovely blog of ours can be quite daunting and I must say, a heavy task to carry and execute. Because just like you, you and you, I am a normal person too, with emotions that can take a turn for the worst on bad days and I won't be so "sugary" like I might seem to appear. And the result of this is, I feel like I've failed. Myself and others. I don't want to do that, and despite how negative I can be sometimes, I believe I still have an extra advantage over other people; it is that I can be naively optimistic, so much more than the average person. "Naive" there can be a negative connotation, if you want it to be and I thought so too at first, even allowed myself to feel sad about it, but you know what? I don't care if I'm naive about optimism, I don't care if I think everyone has a good heart, or no matter how bad they may seem, of the things they say and do, there's still a glimmer of hope of kindness in them because I just have that strong of a faith. 

When people hurt me, I feel like I'm a pushover, letting them walk all over me just because I'm nice. And then I'd feel so stupid because I'd actually put that high amount of trust in them, when I can choose not to. Consequently, my anger and frustration would take over and I'll stride negatively on some hell road I never knew I had in me. I would think, " Screw these people" and consider to change how I view things; to hurt them back. I would actually go on about this for hours, and days even, for chronic situations and my real, true self seems to disappear into God-knows-where. However, this "new" me tires me down, because it is not me. I'm playing a person, an angry alter-ego whom I know will and never should take over the "real" me and then after major rationalizing (and praying), I will be okay again. 

What I didn't realize was I had strength in me all along. Wonder Woman kind of strength. Because after every disappointment, I'll go back to being happy and see life in a positive light. The many times I have told myself to be strong and shove sadness away and think I've failed to do so is not true. Many people think they have but they don't. Because they would overcome it eventually and that means, you are strong.

The process is fairly simple;

1. You get hurt
2. You forgive (because you are so much better than the other person)
3. You make truce
4. Situation resolved. 

But what a smart person would do is to not let him or herself get hurt time and time again and instead, learn from what had happened and be positive about it. Every single thing in life is a choice and it is yours to make. So what I've chosen to do is to mope (which isn't recommended but definitely helps!), vent, forgive, and move on. Give it a try, and I think you'll feel so much lighter, literally and figuratively. Goodnight, enjoy the remaining hour of your lovely Sunday.

- Sugar xo

Platonic, Schmatonic. Or is it really?

"Guys and girls can be friends." This is a common phrase and practice that we all hear and do. I'm one that totally believes that this is possible to be executed. I mean, I think we all think so... right? Well, not really. 

A conversation with a friend leads me to thinking that wow, people really don't think alike, even on a common subject. He thinks it is not possible to have the opposite sex showing affection and care while totally excluding the "crush" part. He doesn't believe a guy and a girl can be friends and sincerely care about one another. So what he does is to not show care as much as one should because it might rub the other person the wrong way or the "right" way and have him or her actually developing romantic feelings for you. So to avoid such sticky situation, he doesn't care altogether and just ignore well..girls.

"Adam and Hawa were created  to serve one another, to love each other, to be soul mates for life", he added. "So why is there such a thing as a platonic relationship?"

He got me stumped there. That actually made sense. What if you treat your friend so nicely because that's just how you are but he or she thinks otherwise? Nonetheless, however you treat a friend, there are still boundaries and lines that if you cross, can appear to be going over the "friend zone" that you two have initially established. 

The reason why I don't agree is because alhamdulillah, I'm lucky enough to be bestowed with guy friends who are actually nice and good to me without thinking about how they look like when I see them, or how I look like when they see me because appearances at this point don't matter, because the essence of me is internal and that's all they really care about. They're even my go-to guide when a crisis arises, like problems on boys, friends, family, study, work, religion, even on what clothes to wear. 

How should a platonic relationship be exactly? There's not one that is the same. It all depends on the individual. You care enough but not to the point of wanting to know every single detail of that person's day. That will be too much and you are, without knowing it, giving hints that it is more than a normal boy-and-girl friendship. How I think is normal is by doing the following; they will ask you how you are, be genuinely concerned, lift you up when you're sad, and celebrate moments when you're happy. 

Here's a tip on how to know whether your friend is being real; they will always be there. Regardless of how busy they are, of how awesome their latest girlfriend/ boyfriend is, if they care about you as a friend, you'll definitely hear from them from time to time, because they still think you are one of the many pieces that fit right into their life puzzle. And they don't come to you when they're only down in the dumps (you should pick this up sooner or later, should it happen more than twice), when they keep asking to join your date with girlfriends (to ogle at your pretty friends), or when they're plain bored.

But remember, no matter how commendable your guy friends are, never forget your girlfriends. They are your homies for life. Who else are you going to share your deepest, darkest, most embarrassing secrets with other than your girlies who get your anxiety on a first date with the boy that you like, or the fact that love handles and stretch marks are showing and you're crying about it at 2 a.m in the morning, or first loves? Guys are cool and all but they have their short "guy"attention span" that we girls, should understand and digest and accept that they are just built that way.

This post isn't written to prove my friend wrong, but more like giving and showing people evidence that it actually can happen and of course, for the right reasons. Some may venture into friendships where they "gain benefits" and this is not something that I am advocating.

I am stressing more on improving oneself by having friends who may not share your stressful experience when dealing with pms every month, or worrying whether your bottom looks big in jeans but they help you to grow and be better. Like what I've mentioned, guys and girls are not made the same way; regarding their emotions and thinking. That is why somehow, beyond the complications and multiple differences, we can find ourselves complementing each other and most importantly, give reminders that will make us further love Him more...

I will end this post by reminding you of some verses in the holy Quran. Allah says,

"And the believers, men and women, are protecting friends of one another, they enjoin the right and forbid the wrong." - At-Taubah (9:71)

"Te believers are naught else than brothers. Therefore make peace between your brethren and observe your duty to Allah that haply ye may obtain mercy." - Al-Hujurat (49:10)

And words from our beloved Prophet Muhammad (pbuh),

"You shall not enter Paradise until you believe; and you will not believe until you love one another. Shall I not guide you to a thing? Which when done , will make you love one another: Spread the greeting of Salam among you"- (Muslim)

- Sugar xo

A little pick-me-up...

...before Monday blues come along.

Source: ThingsSheLoves

Which one are you?

This Nike Women advertisement is like a mini quiz! Briefly think of your fitness regime and choose one that is closest to yours. Mine is tied between an action hero and a gymaholic. I secretly wish I'm Wonder Woman who could kick butts easily (all those Taekwondo days sure left its mark) but at the same time, I love the machines available at the gym!

Source: HealthHeaven




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Ways to Stay Creative

Source: WeHeartIt

Some ways may be in your favour, some may not. But they'll definitely take you places anyhow. 

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Spill it. Oh come on just tell. Dagnabbit, just say it already!

One of my many outlooks on life is one I took heed from a song sung by John Mayer. He says to have no fear for giving in when you withhold dear information in you because "it is better to say too much, than never to say what you need to say again." 

I think that's a pretty darn good advice. Nonetheless, people hardly take it and make it a practice. It's totally understandable not to though, because there's the need to weigh the effects of the aftermath that might take place once you let it out in the open. I myself am still hesitating on some significant things in my life. Because to be honest, I am half woman half chicken. I'm just too afraid. Will things get better or take a turn for the worse? But it is also the thing that keeps me awake at night, leaving me sleep-deprived the next morning with nothing resolved...

My humble theory is that, if people would begin saying what they think, then the truth will come out faster (and possibly in a blunt way, depends on people's character) and if it is hurtful, it is better for you to know it now rather than later. And you can make time to heal and just move on and never look back again. But if it is something good and provides growth in and between people, then there should not be any delaying. 

If this James and Jane would just type the first thing that came into their minds, they would have made each other very happy, both smiling to sleep every night. Wouldn't you want to feel the same?

- Sugar xx


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Hoarder

When you open any girl’s purse, the usual things that you might find are of course, money, picture of their mum or dad or significant other, numerous cards to retail outlets, and maybe a pin or two for emergencies. Well if you open mine, you’d stumble upon a wad of dated movie tickets, clean (hopefully) candy wrappers and neatly folded receipts. Yep, receipts. If you see a similar pattern going on with yourself, then congratulations, you have adapted the art of hoarding.

According to the dictionary in my handphone (dictionary.com), “to hoard” means “to accumulate for preservation, future use, etc, in a hidden or carefully guarded place.” It sounds like a pretty smart move, in case anything bad happens but I am actually imposing the idea of hoarding here as something not so good... Have you seen the reality show, “Hoarding: Buried Alive”? It’s a depiction of hoarders who open their homes for the rest of America to watch.  But this isn’t like keeping receipts in your purse kind; they literally take the word “extreme” to a whole new level. These people collect really many inessential stuff for years and years that they cannot even walk properly into their rooms, leaving them so dirty that they hatch cockroaches and rats! Disgusting yes, interesting? Very.

Hold your thoughts and widened eyes. I do  not say it is interesting just because. Don’t you feel somewhat intrigued by these people? Naysayers may say that extreme hoarders are unhygienic, or just plain lazy. But are they really? In case you don’t know, hoarding is a some kind of obsessive compulsive disorder so it involves the psychological workings in one’s mind. But is being a hoarder weird? Not quite. You could say that I am biased towards hoarding because I am one myself but I truly believe there is more to the habit than meets the eye. 

Let us ponder for a bit. Why on earth would a person keep something in a certain quantity when they are not useful anymore? Maybe we can leave out the people on  “Hoarding: Buried Alive” just for this bit and let’s go back to the simple case of receipts and movie tickets.  A perfectly sane person would never bother to collect receipts and would just rather throw them away once they purchase something. Same goes to candy wrappers and dated movie tickets. There would be many reasons but the one I believe and bet is the most valid is because these items have some sort of value to a person. It holds something dear, a lovely memory of a particular person or event. They could also pose as reminders, to do more of this and less of that because people easily forget. I am unashamedly, this kind of hoarder.

Sentimentality, hope and care turn me into one. Now that’s not so bad, is it? A movie ticket or a receipt or candy wrapper can make me sit up and smile with alacrity when stumbled upon one, or could even turn out to be a very deplorable thing. My hidden aim when hoarding is to become a better person, however strange that may sound, and to remember all the good stuff, no thanks to my bad memory. Without us noticing, all the things we keep are actually scars from wounds that healed or the feeling after crazy, fun sessions with loved ones.  The pain or good feeling is gone but the experience remains in you. Nevertheless, I am never sorry of holding on to these items because I know they make me me. Now hoarders who have long hidden in their closets, come out and be proud!

- Sugar xx




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